I think I'm transitioning from numbness to an overwhelming feeling of sadness. That coupled with the always troubling feeling that we are all ultimately very much alone in this world.
In addition to the emotional turmoil, I've spent way too much energy trying to figure out what to wear to my father's memorial service. He always hated how I tended to dress like I was about to head out the door to a funeral, so I'm really conflicted about my clothing choices. If he hated seeing me dressed in black all the time, would he have hated seeing me dressed for a funeral at his own memorial service? What a brain twister.
I also have no idea what the social mores for French funerals are. I'm uncomfortably aware of this, having shown up in the completely wrong clothes for European weddings on more than one occasion.
Add to that the fact that the stores are in "resort season" and there's not a long sleeve to be found anywhere. Well, that's not entirely true. I've found plenty of trampy trendy clothes, clothes suitable for a cocktail party, or outfits that look like something that Laura Bush might wear. But what's being prominently featured are bathing suits and skimpy tank tops. In February.
I recently read some funeral fashion advice, "As long as you don’t look like a hooker or a hobo, wear what you want. It’s about saying goodbye to someone you loved, not a family fashion show."
And I had to laugh.