Wednesday, February 18, 2009

my stepmother


Since my father's death, the person I've been thinking most about is my stepmother.

I just cannot imagine what she's going through, right now.

I sit down to try to express my thoughts, and I keep self-censoring, because everything is too raw and personal. I don't want to burden Anne, by speculating about her feelings. I don't want to invade her privacy, or make her feel any worse than she must already feel.


2007 said...

You are such a sensitive soul. This, in part, is what makes you the thoughtful, caring, artistic person that you are. You can't have one without the other and possibly that's the unfortunate part for you right now. We know you are hurting and we feel for you. Wrap yourself up, suck on your thumb, watch an old movie and pet your kitty. We love you, Lisa.

~~Doublesaj & Old Blue~~

Anonymous said...

Your step mother is also worrying about you and your sister. If it helps you to tell her that you are concerned for her, do so. Let her know you appreciate the care and companionship she shared with your father. Grief shared is grief lessened - for all of you. Yes, the emotions are raw, but ignoring them won't make them go away. Your step mother will let you know how she feels about talking now or a bit later.


Anonymous said...

Send her a note of your memories of your father, so she can think about life and not death. Let her know she isn't forgotten.


Syndee said...

Just let her know exactly what you just wrote--how you feel and your worries about her. It's all you can do. My sister-in-law just lost her husband (56) last month and it's awful for her. We all feel so helpless not knowing what to do--knowing there's nothing we can do, except call her and let her know our thoughts are with her and if she needs us we're there for her.
God Bless!

Anonymous said...

Dear Lisa-

Since she was with him as a partner, she is saddned. If she was helping to take care of his physical body as he increased in illness, she is glad he's free now and not suffering any longer.

This may sound heartless, but it's true.

Did you or are you going to the funeral? Do you need money to make the trip?

Let us know, and we will take up a collection. It's a rite of passage you should attend if you are able to.

Either way, I understand. Everyone greives in their own way. When my Dad died ( I was 14) I went out and got a job the next day. When my mother died I went to the Detroit zoo and watched the polar bears get fed. It worked for me, and everyone is different.

Be careful about what you say to Ann now, and how you do it. The words said now will remain forever in your hearts. I still remember the hug that I got from an old family friend at my dad's funeral, and I can still feel the love in the hug even today.

It's VERY important that after the funeral and people and cards have stopped coming, that you stay in touch in a thoughtful way, (if you wish) after everyone else has gone on their own way. By being respectful and visiting this lady, you are respecting your father's memory.

I had to do this CONSTANTLY for my mother when she became very very bad in many definitions of the word. My memories of my father helped me to grit my teeth and help my mother when it would have been so much easier to just walk away for my own sake.


Ladyaero said...

Perhaps just a note that says "I don't have the words right now, but I am thinking of you." Sometimes it isn't a person's words, but merely the intent that makes us feel connected. It seems to me that feeling connected is something precious at a time of such great loss.


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