Saturday, June 09, 2007

At Wit's End

...

The blogging has slowed down, because I've been feeling really lost for a while, now. I have learned that I tend to get this way when I'm not very, very busy.

But more than having a bit of a lull at work, I'm just plain scared. There are so many unknowns about Robb's condition and our future. Robb has been working so hard, in the hopes of a good outcome, but lately I've been spending a lot of energy in worrying about how we are going to deal with our long-term future.

What happens when we part ways with the insurance company? Will Robb ever be able to get through a day, without having to spend several of his waking hours laying down? Will Robb ever be able to return to work? Considering that virtually every job Robb has ever held involved some kind of physical exertion, what would he do if he could return to work? What does any of this mean, in terms of our finances? What if Robb's recovery stops at exactly this point, and he is in pain for the rest of his life?

Yeah, it has been hard to write much, lately.

10 comments:

Mark & Sue said...

Lisa & Robb:

Might we suggest the one-day-at-a-time theory. What ever your collective future holds, it doesn't help fretting over it now. You've both made it through the most difficult times, it seems. You also have the support of the letterboxing community.

If you don't feel like blogging - don't. I, too, know the pressure of feeling you have to blog; that people are waiting to read something new. If you feel burned out - give it a rest for a while. I've done that recently several times. Even writers get times when they can't get past a few words.

Know that we are thinking of you and hoping for a bright future. But find comfort in the fact that there are many who hold you dear.

Mark

Perdu said...

Lisa & Robb,

You don't know me from Eve, but I read your blog from time to time.

There are a lot of what-if’s in all our lives, and we can wonder and woe-is-me at what we woulda-coulda-shoulda until the cows come home (ok, I'm from the mid-west does it show?). What can Robb do? What are his abilities? What do you have now? Bring the positive and good and helpful energy to you and keep it there.

While I agree with Mark & Sue, I’d like to suggest something even smaller. Because, there is only one thing in this whole existence that matters a spec and it is...

This moment right now!

What are you going to do with it?

***
OK, on a more business level note, for future reference - I don’t know about California, but several states have programs under the Department of Education that will pay to retrain a person who is no longer able to perform their job due to disability. When I lost my hearing they offered to send me back to college, but it turned out that surgery helped and as a computer programmer complete hearing wasn’t essential, so I declined their generous offer. Something to think about when you need to think about it.
End of business message.
****

Keep yourself grounded and in the moment, is the best advice I can share with you.

I’m sending sparkling blue positive energy your way....catch!

Linda (a.k.a. ~Perdu)

six stars said...

Hi Lisa and Robb,

Do not worry or fret about not blogging! Everyone who knows of your needs is praying for you weather we get updates or not!

I have posted before that something like this happened to my DH 14 years ago. It was and remains to be a one day at a time process. One where he needs to do pool therapy very frequently in order to have any peace from the pain.

He, too, had been a very physically active person (chief engineer on a ship) and was relegated to spending the entire day at the beginning to many hours later on laying down. He could not drive, sit or walk for much of that first two years. We had a baby 3 months after his work accident and that meant baby went with us to all his therapy and doctor appointments, too. We were turned down by SSI- disability because the judge said that he could be a bank teller or video store rental clerk with the option of either sitting or standing when necessary! Laughing right now at how absurd people can be!

What I am trying to say is it happened. Nothing will make time go back and change that event. What you can do is move forward, pray and support one another through this. This will strengthen your relationship and you individually more than you might feel you needed to!

My husband went back to college *another plug for job re-training right here!* and got a certificate in his hobby (computers) and has been able to get a job and get more training through that job to advance him to Network Administrator at a large local hospital.

I know that you are both very creative people and you have talents that you may not have even uncovered. Think out of the box and work with what you do have, not with what was lost. My DH's former job was 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off with paid travel and a really huge paycheck. We used to get a 2 week vacation if we wanted to every month. Now he works 7-5 X 5 days a week with on-call on the nights and weekends about once a month and gets four weeks a year *not to be taken consecutively...* but worrying about the lifestyle change or that we cannot even afford cable TV right now pales in comparison to the fact that he is alive and able to be a dad to our now 4 kids! and hubby to me.

Is he in pain still? Yes. Is life different than we had imagined it was going to be? Yes.

But, there is hope in pain and tragedy and life after accidents. I am praying for you both.

Six stars- New Hampshire

P.S. GOD is in control and trust in HIM for guidance and support when you feel you are losing your strength.

Gramatrick said...

You know, I always feel very connected to you, my long-distance friend, through your blog. But of course, it's impossible for you to know that I'm reading it, and therefore that I'm thinking of you.

So, in view of today's post, I just thought I'd post a comment. Mainly to say hi, but to add a few words of encouragement.

One of the things I most admire about how you both blog is the way that you are honest about your emotions. You don't feel the need to always focus only on the positive, to "put on a show" for others. You freely express the happiness and the sadness, the anticipation and the apprehension, that are a daily part of of the life you now lead.

I believe it is that remarkable ability to face your lives with honesty and courage that will lead you to where you need to be. With lots of good wildlife and plant detours along the way.

Air kisses, darling!

Laura/dewberry

wassamatta_u said...

I couldn't agree with dewberry more! Take the time you need for you, the time Robb needs for Robb, and the time you both need for each other. Know always that you have many, many Imaginary Friends (and lots of Real ones, too) who are thinking about you.

-wassamatta_u

Anonymous said...

Silly Scenic, it will get busy again soon enough....

Ziska

Anonymous said...

I won't say not to worry, because I think it's in our dna, but think of how far you two have already come. I'm feeling hopeful about the leg twitchiness from what you wrote. I think you have a lot of great friends pulling for you two. Sounds like the job re-training program is a great possibility. And if that doesn't work, maybe a nice hefty lawsuit, where you both can recline and eat grapes all day. Okay, I know that's not in the nicest spirit, but I thought you could use a smile.

your ever lovin' sis,
Martha

Anonymous said...

Robb should work at a day care facility- because all the kids have to take several naps a day as well.

I still think you guys should write a book about this whole experience. Being a writer is a good way to make an income and to keep your own hours. Hows that for an idea? I strongly believe you should consider this. You've practically got the whole thing written as your blog already, so no complaining you're not up to it. These are words of wisdom, and until I win the lottery, I can't do anything else for you in the way of financial encouragement.

Since California is a state where all sorts of therapies are practiced, so maybe you guys could start your own specialized therapy group. Chant to Ramtha or Bigfoot or whoever. Declare yourselves a Wiccan religous organization and start soliciting for donations and stop paying taxes already!

Annalisa

Kath said...

Yeah, it sucks. Your life is really uncertain and scary at this point. I guess this kind of stuff forces you to live in the moment, but screw that - I'm a planner and a list maker and I like having some I idea what I'm going to do in the future (whether it works out exactly that way or not) and I'm sorry you don't have that right now.

Kathy

Laura Hackman said...

Robb & Lisa,

When is Robb going to write a play about all of this? Or maybe not about any of this but perhaps some marvelous, absurd, escapist one-act?

Schleif and I read your blog often and think of you both even more often.

Love,
Laura

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