Wednesday, April 18, 2007

forgetting and remembering

Last night, we went out to dinner with Ashley and our friend Sten, who is in town for a seminar. Robb drove.

As we were driving home, I had one of those moments where I realized that I was thinking several conflicting thoughts at the same time.

I was thinking about how well Robb drives, considering that he's not using his feet.

I was thinking about how much more freedom Robb has now that he can go where he wants without having to depend on other people.

And I was actually just enjoying the ride, and not thinking about how odd all of this was, when I caught myself. I realized that, just for a split-second, everything seemed like it did a year and a half ago. For just a moment, I was able to imagine that we were leading the life we had prior to Robb's injury. For an instant, I was able to experience a different sense of "normal."

And then a weird, bittersweet, emotion came rushing over me, and I literally had to "shake it off."

Although this is the first time I experienced this, Robb feels this way all the time. He says that when he is lying in bed or sitting in a chair, and there is no discomfort, he can just sort of forget about the parts of his body that he can't feel and the parts that don't work the way they used to. He can, for a moment, find himself inhabiting the body he had, prior to the spinal cord injury.

But that's, somehow, like holding on to the beautiful, fleeting parts of dreams where you can fly.

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