Tuesday, June 09, 2009

the buzz

...



I'm going to say this bluntly: The last three years have really sucked. First, and worst was Robb's breaking his back. I got hepatitis, and instead of getting better in two or three weeks, I spent four months feeling totally devoid of energy, and like I was going to throw up at any moment. Two people in my immediate family died, after long illnesses. Two of my cats died. I've felt trapped and unsupported in my job, and because of the economy, and Robb's situation, I couldn't imagine moving on from a job that I know I should love. Robb was involved with a hugely important lawsuit that dragged on and on. I turned in on myself, and lost a lot of friends, which made me horribly lonely.

We've been stressed out, to say the least.

I've tried to face all of this with humor and perseverance. But there's only so much humor a girl can muster.

And in the last few months, all of the pressures came crashing down on me. I felt completely overwhelmed and trapped.

This has to stop.

I'm determined to find a way of making a fresh start. A new season is beginning at work. I have a new boss. The lawsuit (for better or worse) has been settled.

It is time for a new beginning.

27 comments:

Gothknits said...

*hugs* and chocolate

Even though there's a whole continent in between us, you haven't lost me. I've been in a similar state of mind...stuck in a job I hate, struggling with infertility and miscarriage, family issues at a new low. Then things began to turn. Now I'm in a job I love and my little boy is the joy of my life.

Huzzah for new beginnings! I'm here whenever you need me.

Jenni P McD said...

Oh, Lisa. I know the feeling. Mine hasn't been as drastic as yours, but I do know the feeling. And, I know we aren't RL, but have an objective, sympathetic ear in me. Feel free to use it.

Anonymous said...

In good times or bad, my favorite saying is "this too shall pass". Learned that from my mom, who passed away 4 weeks ago.

Here's to Spring and renewal!

best wishes,
Yosemite MJD

Mel said...

I'm sorry to hear you've felt so overwhelmed & hopeless. You mask it well and put up such a brave face so often. *hugs* I hope things get better.

Contessa Ennui said...

Hugs, love, and positive energy.

Lisa, I can't begin to tell you how much the drugs are helping me. Not everyone's cup of tea, I know. When I was feeling the worst, I realized that I needed to set aside all the advise from my well-meaning friends and do what felt right to me. It's hard to figure out what you need for you. You'll make it work, I'm sure of it, that's what surviving is all about. And you are one strong amazing woman.

Anonymous said...

We met you just before Robb's accident. We have traveled with you the past three years through this blog and a few face-to-face meetings. We liked you then, we love you now. Thank you for sharing so much of your journey with us.

Frank and Susie

Eclipse said...

Lisa, I had such a good time chatting with you and Robb after your egg dyeing party. I'd love to see more of you both, whether it's for getting out and about (like the kite festival) or doing crafty stuff somewhere or meeting for dinner or a movie or whatever. I know how it is to be dragged down by things out of your control, especially many things compounding one another at one time, and I truly understand how things can crush all the joy out of your life. I'd love to hear from you anytime and maybe we can arrange to meet up for another afternoon of crafting sometime soon. I'd love to help you renew your happiness even if it's just in the small things. Let's hang out sometime, ok? :) I'll ping you in July when I'm back from traveling. *HUGS* to you and Robb!

Anonymous said...

***HUG***

Anonymous said...

I don't know what to say in the face of all of your hardships. I do know that you were one of the best boss/friends I ever had. I learned so much from you about art, painting, integrity and life! (sniff) And seeing the photos and stories of your new interns and painters I know they feel the same way! I will always treasure my time spent at the Opera. Thanks for being so creatively, and awesomely you!
Peace, Love, and Paint,
-Julie

Anonymous said...

I took your stress test, 482 points! There are many of us on this road.

I read your blog, because you put forth the bad and the good, you DO have a good sense of humor, and you DO have incredible talent that you share via photos and wit.

We all wonder if we're leaning to hard on our friends/family, and we're all really bad at asking for help when we need it.

So keep doing what you're doing. And when you need to, lean harder and ask for more! As my counselor said, "You're doing great, considering...", which made me feel good then horrible, because if this is good, what's bad? Then in the words of my doula, "This too shall pass."

And it does pass...

Anonymous said...

Lisa,
I know everyone else is saying this too (and usually saying it much better than I), but you ARE an amazing person. I have followed your blog since the beginning, and have been honored to be a part of your world "in real life" from time to time as well. You are an inspiration, not just with your strength but with your willingness to share your weaknesses as well. And through it all, you make me LAUGH. You are truly witty, and wacky, and off-beat, and to ME, those traits are golden. I know very well how often there is pain behind humor, and that you share BOTH sides makes you truly remarkable. So kudos to you, and to Robb also - his strength and courage and indomitable spirit are truly mind-boggling as well.

Your friend, here if you need me,
-wassamatta_u

Ladyaero said...

Wishing you new excitements, rekindling of old joys and sloughing off of that which weighs your spirit down. Fill your cup until it is over flowing...

Kaaren said...

I hope that Fortune's Wheel is now on the upswing for you both. It will be well-deserved.

Pica said...

Love-buttoning on you both...

Lyn said...

Blessings on your new beginnings. I wish I were there to hug you in person.

2007 said...

I was talking with a fellow letterboxer the other day about you and Robb and what interesting, creative, accomplished people you both are. After about 5 minutes of both of us singing your praises, we ended the discussion by agreeing that the world would be a much better place if there were more like you both AND how lucky we are just to know you.

You both have so many fans and they will always be there for you, good times and bad.

~~Doublesaj & Old Blue~~

Anonymous said...

Lisa,
Being a new letterboxer(January)I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you yet at an event. I do however, feel as if I've known you. I always read your posts, and love the pictures. I am sending you and Robb prayers and well wishes and am looking forward to meeting the two of you at a future event.
...Passionquester

Anonymous said...

Lisa,
Being a new letterboxer(January)I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you yet at an event. I do however, feel as if I've known you. I always read your posts, and love the pictures. I am sending you and Robb prayers and well wishes and am looking forward to meeting the two of you at a future event.
...Passionquester

gollygee said...

I feel for you! If there's anything I can do, please let me know! :)

JAM said...

See, you apparently need more squishy invertebrates in your life. They do wonders for the soul. Let me know whenever you want to hit the tide pools again to lift your spirits by thanking Whoever that you aren't stuck in a small cold pool of water, blind and slimy, waiting for your next meal to wash in. THAT would suck. :)

- John

Syndee said...

You are a positive person and you will be just fine. It is absolutely normal to feel the way you do right now. You have had more major stresses in the past few years than some have in a lifetime. It's only natural to have it all come crashing in on you at some point. You have many people who care about you and Robb as you can tell by the numbers of those of us who religiously/and not so religiously follow your blog. You help us to put perspective on our lives as well--if Lisa and Robb can handle ________, well than I can surely handle whatever it is I have to face. If you need help--reach out! If not to one of us, to a counselor, if need be. Hang in there--it's always darkest before the dawn! xoxo

Anonymous said...

You're taking the first, most difficult step in deciding to start anew. I applaud your strength and determination, and although we've never met I'm often inspired by your talent. Best wishes to you and your family - take the leap and change your life for the better.

Anonymous said...

I'm a little late joining the band wagon with all the encouraging notes, but wanted to be sure I had a chance to add my words - although not as articulate as your other supporters. You have touched my life and and open my eyes to so many cool, interesting and beautiful things I would never have known about. And that's just from reading your blog! Wish I could sit down at lunch with you again so I could learn more (and admire those cool glasses you had on before anyone in NY started wearing such a funky style!) Keep your spirits up!
Buggylou

LunaSea said...

Wow. That's some serious introspection. Congrats. My fingers will be crossed for you. And if you don't mind, I'll even light a candle. May you find the change and growth you need right now.

And on a lighter note, were I not currently entrenched in the job of being a full-time Mom, I'd love to have your job. I still wish I could figure out what kind of degree you need to become a scenic artist (czar? goddess? master?) like you.

Anonymous said...

and I was just thinking the same thing about my life for the past five years. Its funny how we think we are all alone when times are tough, then come to find out, others arent doing as great as we thought. You guys will get through it together. wish I had something inspiring to say, but, all I can say is keep going on. It will get better : )

-Jen of MLM

Kara Larson said...

I hope these responses and all the people in your lives help--you touch lots of people all over the world who stand ready to support you however we can. I wish I could teleport you both to North Carolina for a birds & bikes vacation. If there's anything, material or im-, that would make things slightly better, just say the word.

Kara

mamakin said...

To be able to put your feelings out here on a blog that has reached so many people is so brave. So many people feel as you do when going through traumatic times. It often feels like it will never get better, we'll never have the friends we had before, or the life we had before. These feelings are shared by more people than you realize, myself included, and that you can talk about this helps so many people cope that one more day that they needed. Hopefully some of what we can give you by letting you know how much strength you give to others can help you find the strength you need to get through this time in your life and know that although it will never be what it was, this is what we have now and making the best of this day is what will get us through the next. I just had the surgery for the stim implant and I'm not where I'd hoped I would be,I'm an impatient girl at this point. 9 yrs spent mostly in bed makes you lose a lot. I'm anxious to see how this gadget will help me. I'm walking, but then I have an episode where my legs & feet look like sausages about to burst & I get afraid I'm going backward. But today I'm not swelling, and I walked around the house, and I'm sitting up while writing this. I'm looking at the good things that are happening as much as I can & I'm hoping the life ahead of me will be a healthier, stronger one . I'm looking forward to walking in the pool, being allowed to bend, twist & lift my arms over my head. I'm going to do these things & find the joy in them. You're going to find joy in your new beginnings.
Oh, and I vote for a touch of bright red nail polish to dot the top of the snails. If they come back I'd toss them in a bag and have Robb give them a new home when he takes a cycle trip. If they come back you've got a great story to do on homing snails :-)

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