Sunday, September 10, 2006
Wetlands Without Water
Robb and I went back out to Coyote Hills Regional Park today. We checked on a few of my letterboxes, and learned the interesting lesson that the rare earth magnets are stronger than contact cement. I've got one letterbox missing, and I haven't decided if I'll replace it or not. I'm feeling uninspired about carving.
The last time we were at this park was in April. At that time, the drive to the park was the longest we had done, and this was the first time we took the old wheelchair out for some recreational activity. Robb really wasn't able to propel his old heavy chair, so I did most of the work. The old chair also didn't have any sort of suspension or shocks, so Robb's back was sore after a rather short time on the trail.
This time out, Robb was able to push his chair over most of the terrain. He still needs a little help going up steep hills, and over really bumpy areas. In some places, the easiest thing to do was to have Robbb get out and walk while I steered the empty chair. I don't love the height of the handles on the chair. They are too low, and I have to stoop to push Robb, which gives me an instant backache.
This is the highly endangered California Clapper Rail. We got a very good look at this chicken-like marsh bird. Actually, we've seen this species many times, particularly in Oakland.
This, I believe, is a Nuttall's Woodpecker.
Something catastrophic has happened to the marsh, and most of the water has been drained away. The whole thing is in disarray. Things are a mess, and not as they should be.
Today should have been a lovely day, but I felt like the marsh: emptied of what I need to be right, and all out of sorts. I have a pretty deep well of positive energy, but it feels like it is running dry.
I feel like I've been losing myself over the last seven months. I feel like I can't keep up with all of my responsibilities. I'm upset and angry, and feeling overwhelmed. I met with a counselor, and while she was a delightful person, she didn't have much to offer, and didn't suggest follow up visits.
I frankly feel really guilty discussing any of this, because Robb is the one who has actual problems. One one hand, I feel that I should shut my mouth, and stop whining, and on the other hand, I feel really lost.