Monday, November 05, 2007

why?

I started this blog as a self-protecting way to get a bit more sleep. When Robb was first injured, and in the hospital, I couldn't face the early-morning phone calls asking how he was. I couldn't bear telling the same confusing and terrifying story over and over again. I was stretched terribly thin, and needed to conserve my energies.

Slowly, as Robb got back on his feet -- both literally and metaphorically -- the blog's purpose shifted, and it started documenting his little triumphs, as well as our set-backs. But since the recovery from a spinal cord injury progresses at the glacial pace, I eventually ran out of new things to say. I started writing about our outings, and my return to work.

But there have been a lot of things that don't get said, except by omission. Some friends (Gina Sue, I'm talking about you) are sensitive enough to read the what we choose to speak about, as well as our silences.

No, I haven't written much about the intense fragility of the human body. Or about our daily fears that Robb's condition may not continue to improve. In the face of all the suffering in this world, it seems selfish and self absorbed to do such a thing.

Sometimes it seems so silly to be writing at all. Or posting pictures of birds, or documenting our daily activities. I'm not clear on why I'm still writing this.

My silly little blog-writing notwithstanding, I believe that some of the most powerful things we do in life are the things that we do without fully understanding our motives. Sometimes, we act because we must. Sometimes, we're just writing messages, sticking them in bottles, and tossing them into the sea.

Who knows why we write, or what the person who stumbles on our messages may think?

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love reading what you write and your pictures are wonderful. You give joy to others. Maybe thats why you keep on posting.

Anonymous said...

Hey,
You know, we have never met...why you probably have never even heard of me. But I look forward to hearing about what you two are up to and how Rob and you are doing. I love your photos (the cute fuzzy spider is my desktop background)and I am pulling for you two. Why you write is not for me to guess but that you write allows for positive energy to pass between us and I think that is important.
KI
Spiralseekers

Anonymous said...

Sometimes we just do what feels right! It is what it is... and we don't have to know why. You still feel that this blog is right... and lots of us out here are glad of that!

As you said... spinal cord injuries progress at a glacial pace... and I don't think you and Robb were ever moving at less than the speed of lightning before the accident. This must be weighing heavily and this is a good outlet...and, yes... your own support group! Reading entries from people you have never met is awesome... people are attracted to you and are cheering for you both.

Please keep on blogging... we are loving it!
Bandaid

Gothknits said...

Who cares what they think? Just do it without analyzing it.

I have to say I feel the distance is far less between us with you writing as you do. You guys and this blog are a part of my daily routine, one I look forward to.

Anonymous said...

Uhhhh.... because birds are pretty? Because progress feels good? Because even virtual support is support? Because it's a good blog?

You're feeling the natural- I've got the show up and running let down after opening night...don't worry a whole new set of challenges will come crashing through that scene shop door any second ;-)

Ziska

Anonymous said...

Please don't stop the blog. I look forward to reading it everyday. If there is no news, I'm disappointed. You take beautiful photos and your stories are so heart felt whether good or bad news. You've probably never seen my trail name, but I'd miss your blog.

Zinni

Maple Leaf Red said...

People who have not been in the role of a "Care Giver" to an injured/sick "life partner" rarely understand how difficult at times it is to just get through the day! I carried a gold coin with the Serenity Prayer on it in my pocket when my DH was battling throat cancer.I,too, had to answer many questions, deal with comments continously,learn far more about the field of medicine than I ever wanted to and keep the boys (5,6,10 yr)in somewhat of a "normal" lifestyle.You write and show us beautiful photographs and unique pieces of art. You have found a way to continue on. I think there are some care givers that never find that outlet and for them I am sad. For you and for me and for all the others that have found an outlet that work(ed)(s), we continue using it even when life is not quite as rough..it is a gift we have discovered within ourselves that we may not have discovered otherwise. I still carry that coin around with me at times - it is no longer quite as shiny, though -LOL. But it gives me strength and comfort when needed. I do hope you continue blogging for a long time to come, sharing with us all the things you do. I'll continue to carry my coin and hopefully you'll continue to write. Deal?
Also, just so you know...every time I pull out my little pocket knife..the "McGuyver Tool" flashes through my minds eye! And the boys all want that same knife for Christmas!

Anonymous said...

I always enjoy reading your blogs. Please be encouraged that we enjoy your musings and do not thing it is self-absorbed at all. :)
Chin up!
Sweet n Sassy

Anonymous said...

I have to add my voice from Centralia, Washington as a vote to keep on doing what you are doing! I got hooked on your blog from a letterboxing link and I check on you and Robb when I log onto Atlasquest. Can you believe that strangers from all over the world are pumping their fists in the air and saying, "Way to go, Robb!" for the small stuff and "Hang in there!" to you for the hard stuff?
--Laughing Gravy (Leah from Centralia)

Anonymous said...

sometimes you don't have to know why... it never really occurred to me before that lots of people who don't know you at all read what you have to say - the internet is a funny thing.

thinking of you guys today because the super frisky squirrels out my front door are driving my cat CRAZY.

leslie

jennie & dave & cole & baby #2 said...

Yes, please keep writing! though we're only on the other side of the Bay and not the other side of the country now, i'm still terrible at keeping in touch. But I read your blog every time it pops up with a new message in my RSS reader, and LOVE your photos and fiber arcana. The stuff about lace - wow! that would SO not be my thing, but I love to know about it.

and hey, someday this will make a great book. or you can use blurb.com to slurp up the blog contents into a book - I've made books with them, and they're GORGEOUS. all your photos would really shine on paper!

Smiley said...

Ditto to all of the above.

Wendy from Oregon
"Smiley"

Anonymous said...

This is all therapy, you know. You need it, Robb benifits from it, and since we have become addicted to the blog, we need it or we would call you at all hours of the day or night to bug you for updates. It is my personal belief that if you didn't get a chance to vent or express yourself or stay up to date (and thus see the promising advances occuring), you would become a horrible wreched old crone and of no use to anyone, Robb and yourself included. Of course, maybe you need some personal contact, a phone call once in a while is a good thing.

Don't worry if you don't have earthshattering news to post, nothing happens instantly anyway (unless its bad luck, right?) and all things take time. If you do need some other-type of information to post, you can always tell us about whatever unusual things come your way, which in the art world, and in California especially, happens about every 2 seconds.

You are coming up on the anniversary of the accident soon enough, and that in itself is enough to make thoughts turn inward and re-inhabit how you two were during the tramatic event. You have both come a long way indeed, and even with the twitch of Robb's small toe, I consider it "the twitch that rocks the world", and portends great good luck.

You already have great success by Robb in not being a bed-ridden vegetable for the rest of his, and your life. Consider your good fortune on the bad days, because it could always get far worse. Just a bit of Catholic guilt thrown in there for flavor! I don't know how I live without it to get me through the hard days, nothing like the threat of "endless suffering" to make the good days seem great, and delicously rebelous. Most people placed in your situation would EXPECT you two to be miserable. And you would be right to feel that way at times. And then people would avoid you. Not helpful.

And you are NOT alone, even though we are not there with you physically, we think about you guys every day and have great hope. Ponder THAT. Spiritually these good vibes sent your way have to be doing something. Maybe I'll color mine a specific hue, so if you see some toxic red clouds over your town, you will know its just us!

Really, the blog does help you, and we can tell by your tone and choice of words how the day has been going. I consider the blog your way of healing as well, and just as helpful as a doctor's visit.

Annalisa

Lynne Rutter said...

a lto fo what you say give voice to thos going through similar things, those less articulate or less energetic than you. it s a great service you are doing for the universe... this project, like so many things you do, has become much bigger than the sum of its parts.

that said you when need time for yourself,by all means, take it!!!

Anonymous said...

We started reading your blog to find out about Robb so we wouldn't have to be one of the many, many who might bother or wake you with a phone call. Although we still like to learn about Robb's triumphs, personally, I look forward to your outstanding photography but also to the eye-opening observations you make on your outings, museum visits and in your everyday Rep. Theater work. You have that curiosity of mind and creative intelligence that tweeks what YOU may find obvious into something some of us would never notice. I marvel too at the abundance of ideas for your blog! As someone who hasn't written in hers since June, I applaud your tenacity (a staple Scorpio trait!) but it's your talent for the written word that makes me never miss an entry.
But just so it doesn't become a 'chore' you might want to try cutting down to twice a week or even once. I think we'll all live.
~~Doublesaj~~

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